21st
Depression…
…is not something I’ve written about here. My acknowledgement of how crippling it can be waxes and wanes. However whatever my state of thinking on the matter it cripples.
My enrolment in the mindfulness meditation group is my latest effort in trying to keep the ‘black dog’ from the door. I’ve tried numerous treatments none of which has managed to give me any long term relief and one that just prolonged it and worsened my ability to react sensibly and effectively to it when it arrives. More of that at a later date.
My latest serious bout has lasted from July of last year until now. The major physical side effect for me is weight gain. Looking at the numbers for that period I gained three stone and four pounds - nearly fifty pounds at about a kilo a month. Inactivity and overeating go hand in hand for me.
I’ve been doing some work with a therapist and for once have a clear representation of the linear progression into relapse into deep depressive periods that has dominated the last decade of my life. My number one weapon is daily exercise. That has become clear to me and in order to make that work I have to not overdo it. Despite the runs last week feeling physically comfortable during their unfolding I was left incapable of much for three or four days afterwards. I need to start again at a much lower level. So for at least the next couple of weeks it is walking and swimming only. However much I think it is a waste of time when I don’t sweat and raise my heart rate during exercise.
And of course much less of this….
